According to TDub's Magic of Making Up book, While ending a relationship is hardly at the top of anybody’s calendar, the fact is that when a relationship has gone sour, someone has to make the move to end it. The truth is that many relationships last long beyond the “expire by” date just because breaking up is hard to do.
Sometimes a break up happens in dramatic fashion with clothes being thrown out of a second story window.
Other times, the relationship just peters out until someone says “it’s caput.”
How do you go about ending a relationship so that neither party gets hurt?
You need to get clear on why you want to terminate the romance. The immediate reason that jumps into your mind may not be the real reason. Once you get clear, the next step in ending a relationship is to get honest. That means that in your discussion with your partner that you are true to yourself and to them.
Schedule a mutually convenient time for the breakup. In general, it is better to do it in person rather than over the phone, but if distance is an issue in the relationship, you should do it sooner than wait for a time you can get together.
Get into a state of compassion when ending the relationship. If you want to stay friends after the break up, you need to conclude the romantic ties with love and compassion.
Don’t put your partner on the defensive. Talk about the things you’ve learned and the memories you will cherish that have come from your love. Be present during the break up. Your partner may become very emotional during this time. You need to respond to their needs.
Don’t take anything personally when ending a relationship. Your partner may say things they don’t really mean. Let these words roll off of your back.
Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the relationship. Or, they may need space. Give your ex what they need to get through the transition time.
But don’t let them make you feel guilty. You’re ready to begin a new phase in your life and it will not include a romantic relationship with your ex. It is best if you retain a positive relationship of some sort with them, but if you are ending the relationship for the right reasons, it is best for both of you.
Should you ever consider reconnecting? Does ending a relationship always mean “the end, close the book?”
That is something you have to decide. Virtually all relationships can be saved if certain conditions are met. If you have the time and are willing to make the effort, you can get through this period as an even stronger couple.
However, if you are determined to walk away, it’s best to end a relationship with a clean break and move on.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Monday, November 24, 2008
Improve your personal life and move on
Admit it or not, when you deal with a break up, it can drive us a little crazy. Learning how to improve your life on your own is one important step if you want to save your relationship or get your ex back.
With all the emotions flowing inside you, I understand that you may find it difficult to focus one thing at a time when you don't have proper organization. This could make rolling out of the bed a problem of its own and we often end the day with nothing done.
From the office, to household, children, and finances, without proper organization could turn disastrous. With our busy lives, more and more people want to learn how to manage their time, actions and overall arrangements. This is what makes successful people get ahead; they plan, set priorities, and always follow through.
Tips for personal development and growth:
1. Learn to say no. For some of us, our natural instincts lead us in the right direction to helping others. Are you sacrificing your needs however, to consistently take care of other peoples needs? Are you taking time out of each day to pamper yourself for fifteen minutes or so?
2. Take a little time out of each day for yourself. You can’t be any good to other people if you don’t take care of yourself. Draw a bathtub of bubbles and relax, go for a walk alone or maybe go to the library and read, bring a book home to read and relax. A little something for yourself each day really helps to relax you and it can make you feel better.
3. It would be a good idea if you walk with a friend don’t talk about your problems, keep the pace up and talk about the weather or maybe something you’re going to do for your tomorrow. Eventually you’ll notice how much better you feel getting out and taking care of yourself.
Keep yourself from obessing over past mistakes, live in denial, and stop blaming others to see how your life will improve. Everybody makes bad choices in life. This is a part of living. What we should all focus on is to learn from our mistakes and move ahead.
With all the emotions flowing inside you, I understand that you may find it difficult to focus one thing at a time when you don't have proper organization. This could make rolling out of the bed a problem of its own and we often end the day with nothing done.
From the office, to household, children, and finances, without proper organization could turn disastrous. With our busy lives, more and more people want to learn how to manage their time, actions and overall arrangements. This is what makes successful people get ahead; they plan, set priorities, and always follow through.
Tips for personal development and growth:
1. Learn to say no. For some of us, our natural instincts lead us in the right direction to helping others. Are you sacrificing your needs however, to consistently take care of other peoples needs? Are you taking time out of each day to pamper yourself for fifteen minutes or so?
2. Take a little time out of each day for yourself. You can’t be any good to other people if you don’t take care of yourself. Draw a bathtub of bubbles and relax, go for a walk alone or maybe go to the library and read, bring a book home to read and relax. A little something for yourself each day really helps to relax you and it can make you feel better.
3. It would be a good idea if you walk with a friend don’t talk about your problems, keep the pace up and talk about the weather or maybe something you’re going to do for your tomorrow. Eventually you’ll notice how much better you feel getting out and taking care of yourself.
Keep yourself from obessing over past mistakes, live in denial, and stop blaming others to see how your life will improve. Everybody makes bad choices in life. This is a part of living. What we should all focus on is to learn from our mistakes and move ahead.
How to be a better person after a break up
If you have just broken up with your boyfriend or girlfriend, there is no doubt that your personal life is probably in an uproar. This is the time to check on your self esteem? Everyone always has room for improvement; yet, some of us need more than others do.
Have you asked yourself "What do I need to do to improve?". The break up is probably his fault or yours but the lesson you should take from this experience is to improve more yourself and be a better person than you were before.
Maybe sitting down and writing a list of things that you don’t like about yourself could help. Make sure you prioritize them making the most important one on top and the less important on the bottom. Everyday work on this list checking off each one as you feel it is getting better.
Remember don’t stop improving them just because you’ve put a check beside it. It takes time to make changes but you can do it.
For some people it is easy to focus on negativity, which causes them ongoing depression. If you are one of those people at interviews, when asked about your qualities, skills, etc, speaks out rambling off your bad qualities, you need to stop now. What you are doing is taking away your opportunities to achieve.
Give yourself a peace of mind. Very few people understand the cause of happiness. Many of us focus on friends, cars, and money as the true reason for happiness and devote all of our time and energy acquiring these things. The real source of peace of mind is in inner peace. Remember that if we have a peaceful mind, we will be happy.
Treat each new experience as a point of learning. Next, we can learn how to wake up to improving overall personal life. Once you start improving your life, people will notice these positive changes in you, and that includes your ex boyfriend or girlfriend.
Have you asked yourself "What do I need to do to improve?". The break up is probably his fault or yours but the lesson you should take from this experience is to improve more yourself and be a better person than you were before.
Maybe sitting down and writing a list of things that you don’t like about yourself could help. Make sure you prioritize them making the most important one on top and the less important on the bottom. Everyday work on this list checking off each one as you feel it is getting better.
Remember don’t stop improving them just because you’ve put a check beside it. It takes time to make changes but you can do it.
For some people it is easy to focus on negativity, which causes them ongoing depression. If you are one of those people at interviews, when asked about your qualities, skills, etc, speaks out rambling off your bad qualities, you need to stop now. What you are doing is taking away your opportunities to achieve.
Give yourself a peace of mind. Very few people understand the cause of happiness. Many of us focus on friends, cars, and money as the true reason for happiness and devote all of our time and energy acquiring these things. The real source of peace of mind is in inner peace. Remember that if we have a peaceful mind, we will be happy.
Treat each new experience as a point of learning. Next, we can learn how to wake up to improving overall personal life. Once you start improving your life, people will notice these positive changes in you, and that includes your ex boyfriend or girlfriend.
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